We touched down in Austin last night to much fanfare. Try to envision The Beatles landing in America and then forget that image and try to think of two chubby guys and a Moby look-a-like deplaning in an empty airport. A quick cab ride dropped us right in the heart of downtown Austin and me and me mates were off on an adventure in Texas.
Leebo, Chubby Guy #2, decided he needed some “alone” time, so Adam, Moby look-a-like, and I, Chubby Guy #1, hit the streets in search of a case of beer and a flaming Dr. Pepper shot! A quick walk to 6th Street and we found our place – the awfully named Touche. Our bartender, a spritely Suicide Girlsesque 24 year-old named Liz greeted us at the bar and gave us quite a show. She set up the shots, I really wish I had taken a picture, dosed her hands in rum, gulped a big shot of it and lit our shots with an enormous fireball. Moby look-a-like swooned. Shots were downed, tip was left and bartender was now our friend.
We picked up a case of Lone Star cans, headed back to the hotel and picked up Chubby Guy #2. Our local contact, another guy named Brad, was about to pick us up for a trip to a local bar. As we hopped into Brad’s car a leggy Asian girl tried to bum a smoke, I rebuked her, Brad lied about his smoke situation and Moby look-a-like jumped out of the car to give her a smoke. Turns out her name is Kimmy and even though Moby look-a-like’s chances of bedding her shot up by 10% just for lighting her cigarette, that 10% wasn’t enough to reach 100%.
We landed at Luster Pearl and started drinking some extremely cheap beers. I ordered Chorizo and Chicken tacos and we wrapped it up early. On the walk home I surmised that Moby look-a-like was a lightweight and that I am a really cool guy. We got back to the room and feel asleep to a really cool episode of Star Trek The Next Generation. It was the one were a Picard from the future foretells the Enterprise’s doom. Good stuff.
6:30AM. Moby look-a-like’s freakin’ iPhone starts ringing. Some shitty Glitch song. After he spilled a beer on my phone, broke his toe, and knocked over the coffee table, he was able to shut it off. Ten minutes later it rang again! Arm punches were doled out.
11:00AM. We hit the venue, set up the tent, rode in a golf cart and ate free food.
Then we went back to the room, drank some beers, watched SVU and here we are. I’m planning on eating Ribs, Brisket and Cole Slaw in the next two or three hours. And then listen to Them Crooked Vultures from OUTSIDE Stubb’s. We don’t have tickets, but outside seeing Grohl on drums, I just want to hear some of their songs.
Current consumption tally:
Lone Star Beers – 18
Tacos – 5
BBQ Meals – 0
